Hey good lookin' -What's cookin'?

What's for dinner?
A friend of mine sent me these 1970's era Weight Watchers recipe card pictures and descriptions and I thought they were too funny not to share. i've arranged them into a hypothetical party menu - just the kind of thing to make you glad I'm not in charge of cooking for Thanksgiving this year!

We'll start off with a drink :
Slender Quenchers -These are the saddest diet beverages ever.
The one on the right is skim milk and orange pulp. The one on the left is made with water, sherry extract, and two beef bouillon cubes.
No, really. Well, there's also celery in it. Oh, and SELF-LOATHING.

Then on to your choice of snack :Polynesian Snack - Would you like Polynesian Snack? With beautiful flower?
Where is fork? Is Snack for to eat with hand? You like canned bean sprout? And buttermilk? And pimiento? And fruit piece? Mix all together? No? Oh. Maybe Snack is not for you.

OR:

Hot Wrap Ups -it's not easy being green; There's lettuce. There's pickles. There's capers. There's lime. There's parsley. There's celery inside. Chives, too. It's green. All green. No other guiding culinary principle except... green. It's a meal! It's an obsessive disorder! It's both!

Moving on to the fish course:


Snappy Mackerel Casserole- Well, as adjectives for mackerel go, you could do worse than "snappy." Snappy! So snappy you need three glasses of cranberry juice to wash it down! So snappy they've placed it in a special roped-off area! Don't get too close to the casserole! 'Cause it'll SNAP at ya! Ha! Ha! SNAPPY!
Fluffy Mackerel Pudding- Once upon a time the world was young and the words "mackerel" and "pudding" existed far, far away from one another. One day, that all changed. And then, whoever was responsible somehow thought the word fluffy would help. Oh, and eggs, too.

Fish "Tacos"- "Tortillas?" What are those? Mexican food is easy to make! All you need is toast and quotation marks! I so do not understand the props here.

As for the entrees:

Chicken Liver Bake- Enjoy it with the ashes of a loved one. Or maybe what's left of the chickens are in that urn. Maybe the chickens were your loved ones. But chickens never love back enough. And that's why you have to KILL them. And eat their livers ritualistically. And then they're a part of you forever. Forever.

Frankfurter Spectacular- I had no idea frankfurters could be so spectacular. Wow!
I would almost be willing to upholster a whole pineapple with pork product just to be able to say I was serving Frankfurter Spectacular. Say it with me: Frankfurter! Spectacular! Why would you even want to eat this? Why, when you could keep your mouth busy for hours just by repeating the life-affirming phrase that is "Frankfurter Spectacular."

and for a vegetarian option:

Bean and Mushroom Salad- I hope that you can see that this is a jellied salad. Do you see it glisten? Do you require a close-up to understand that these beans and mushrooms and pimiento strips are one solid, glistening mass? And see how the Ceramic Mushroom Family has gathered to show their children what happens to bad little mushrooms!






If you still have room for dessert why not try :

Snacks on a Stick - My guess is they tried being consistent with the plural at first, and then decided that SNACKS ON STICKS sounded too disturbing. Like Apocalypse Now food or something. This is frozen coffee, people. Yeah, it almost sounds kind of good, until you freeze a whole bunch and take them out and look at them and hit a few of them together and hear them go thunk thunk, and say, "oh forget this," and drop the whole tray on the floor in disgust.

Ummmm....

And special thanks to Wendy McClure for the cards and descriptions -too funny!